Photoshoot ,

Last Thursday, I had a photo shoot with one of my girlf, Aini (: For us, this is just for fun. There's 3 photographers, Qayyim, Afif and Hafiz. Actually Qayyim ask us to help him for being his model cause he wants to learn more about photography with Hafiz. Hafiz is a professional photographer anyway. While Afif, he design those clothes that we wore. Gorgeous one indeed ! *fell in love with it

So here's some photos that Qayyim capture ;







P/S ; You did a great job Qayyim ! & Chip this is definitely for you, xo

Sisters ,

When I was a kid, I always wanted a younger sister cause I've already had two annoying big brothers. As time past and I grew older, I wished I had a big sister instead of brothers. So yeahh, it ain't that easy to change something right ? There must be some reason I gut brothers even I can't see any benefit of that :p Last Tuesday, I went to the movies with my own two sisters now (: Actually, they are Khaidir's but whatever, I got to spend some time w them. There's Kak Eya and little Aqilaa. How lucky I am right ? I know :D We watched New Moon which to me, was quite boring cause too many romance -___-" Blah blah blah. How I wish I could see that movie with Khaidir >.< Mhmm, sokayy. There's plenty of time and movies coming soon. Here are the new people that I love and care now, thanks for everything :')

2nd Day,

Despite on I can't visit Edir on Saturday and Sunday this week cause I'm off to Seremban, my cousin's, I visit him on the second day in a row but this time with Aini keeping me company. When I reached there, his mum and also his big sister, Kak Eya were there. So I stayed there for quite sometimes cause Kak Eya is feeling very tired and she fell asleep. I barely watch people around him, especially his family members in that condition. Around 2.30 pm, I'm off to Sunway keeping Azraa company to find her dress for birthday celebration on the same night. Will update more soon, xx

Yesterday,

Finally, I went and visit Edir in the hospital. I went there w Azraa & Lyn, thanks cs you guys keep me company for the whole day. Right after I parked my car in the parking lot, I can feel my heartbeat is getting faster. It has been 25 days since the last time he saw me right in front of his face and talked w me. God, I'm superbly excited but at the same time I do feel the nerve in my stomach -.- So I called her mum to inform that I'm already there, so her mum ask me to find the Menara Utama and reach the 5th Floor, which is Wad Neuro Sains. The name is quite exotic/freaky for me act and honestly, I hate being in the hospital. But for him, what the hell right ;) We reached the 5th Floor and the minute I stepped in into the ward, I felt that I don't have the strength yet to see him.

Asked Azraa & Lyn how many times did I stop right before reaching his bed. His bed is right over the corner and it's a long way to go there. The time I almost reached his bed, I stopped AGAIN and cried ! Only god knows how much I missed him. So I pulled off all my strength and here I go, went to his bed, seeing his mum trying to talked w him and tell him who's here. At first, he doesn't looked me at all. I tried to hold my tears but I'm too weak to do that. After a few minutes, w the same condition I tried to think positive and tell his mum I'll go downstairs and eat first. His mum said okay then and I should come back again after that which I totally will do ! I walked very fast out from the ward and after I stepped out from there I sat on a chair and started to break down . .

I can't hold back my tears anymore. It's just too hard to do that. A few minutes then, we went to the cafe but none of us are eating. I just can't stop thinking of what happen and those great memories w him, flashed back right in front of my eyes. Azraa & Lyn said that he's sulking w me cause it's almost a month he never saw me. Maybe that's true, mengada betul :p Sakit pun nk merajuk, haihh. It's quite cute though (: After I had gather all my strength back, we went up again but this time was diff. Before I went to see him again, I had my prays and this was the time where I get all my strength back. I can act feel the diff before & after. So this is it, I put the best smile on my face and sees him again. At first the reaction was the same but then his mum said, right after I left just now, he said that "Ayu nk muntah td". Because the time I cried, I closed my mouth and he taught I wanna puke ;p I laughed and I feel that I'm loosing up, so as him. And he tell his mum that he's shy to see me, so adorable ! :D

So after he's kinda awake, his mum asked him which one was me (: As the normal Khaidir, he loved to fooling around. So he make a peace sign again and again and lastly, he pointed at me :') Which makes me v v happy. Sometimes, he can talked and communicate w others but sometimes he'll just smile. Azraa and Lyn did try and talked w him and all. Mhm it's hard for me to watch his mum fell asleep right beside his bed. I definitely understand that it is way harder for his mum to watch his son this way. Day and night constantly watched him and make sure there's nothing wrong around him. I gave Edir eat and drink too, and thank god he's not sulking w me anymore :) The time his mum went to solat, he hold warmly my hand (': I can feel the diff and I act can feel he really held my hand. By evening, there's Mien, Ikram, Yaya, Aiman and this guy came and visit Edir too. They talked and fooling around w Edir and it is so relieving to watched him laughed and talked.

By 4, we have to go out from the ward cause it's the time for the doctor and nurses to do their work. We can visit back by 5, so all of us went down to the cafe and chilled there, talking & sharing stories. It's been awhile since we met each other. Sharp 5 o'clock, we went back to his ward but this time there's his aunt and 2 uncles. So now I know that quite a number of his family knows my name. That is suprising ! Chat, laugh, smile and tears again (: By 5.30 pm, Mien Ikram and others are heading back home. So that leaves me and the girls. I remember this one time, his uncle asked him to wait for his dad and said "Edir sayang papa ?". He answered, "Sayang !". Then, his uncle asked again, "Sayang mama ?". He said, "Lagi sayang !". And he did smiled ! :') Then again and again asking that does he love his family members and lastly his uncle asked him, "Sayang Idayu ?" And the answer absolutely make my day yesterday. He answered, "Lagi sayang !" (': And we laughed again so as him. 6 pm, it is time for me to go home. Berat hati but there's still another day. I'm having my sem break for 5 weeks so I'll visit him again and again.

God, this really make me realize how much I missed him. All this while, the tears are worth it. I don't even care what others might think, I really don't. Just stop making nonsense stories about him and please don't tell me. I really don't want to know. I know him better than you guys. Mhm just get well soon okay sayang ? You dpt Politeknik Shah Alam, in Business Management (: Get well, be back home and you can further your study which you wanted so much remember ? There's nothing to worry, people around you are always and constantly praying for your speedy recovery. So people, this is part of the first day after 25 days we haven't really met each other :') Thanks for reading, till the next time then !

With love, Ayu

Lucky,

Just wanna share w you the people that shines up my life back the past few weeks ;)

Meet Meera ;





Meet Ain aka Anin :p ;





Meet Farrah ;





Last but not least, Eka, Wawa & Aliaa ;





Thanks a lot, you girls build up my strength in Perak. No words can describe how much I love you, xx

Precious,

Menatap indahnya senyuman diwajahmu
Membuatku terdiam dan terpaku
Mengerti akan hadirnya cinta terindah
Saat kau peluk mesra tubuhku

Banyak kata
Yang tak mampu kuungkapkan
Kepada dirimu ...

Aku ingin engkau selalu
Hadir dan temani aku
Di setiap langkah yang menyakiniku
Kau tercipta untukku

Mesti waktu akan mampu
Memanggil seluruh ragaku
Ku ingin kau tahu ku selalu milikmu
Yang mencintaimu
Sepanjang hidupku ...

Tercipta Untukku by Ungu

Rmmbr this song Edir ? I knw you do. This was the only song you always sang it to me. Day and night . . I really missed those voice that sang to me :'( Please get well asap. I need you, I really really need you . .

I Miss You,

Been crying since Saturday, keep on crying till today. I don't want to be here right now, I just want to come back home. IMMEDIATELY ! Friday Friday, can you come now, please ? I rather sleep and not waking up till it is Friday :'( Edir, you kan kuat ? Be strong okayy ? I blk this week, I jmp you. Please get well soon . . I dont ask nothing more, just get well soon . .

Prays,

Home Sweet Home,

It's been awhile since I went back home by bus. Take note people, by BUS ! :p HAHA So yeahh, today Im home in Shah Alam. I arrived here around 6 pm. Godd, my butt feels flat -____- Cause constantly sitting and I can't barely sleep in the bus act. But heyy, I do survive ! Wee :D In the bus, I did sat beside one-and-only Meere darling <3 We watched 2007 // Transformers whch is quite interesting even we've already seen it but who cares rght ;) And yeahh, we also became "webcam whore" in the bus. NGAHAA









P/S ; My face sucks, do ignore. And and Meera wearing baju kurung which SANGAAAAATTTT AYU ! Lol :D

The Fact,

My body may be in front of you but I'm sorry, my heart is somewhere else.

END

Bullshit !

I don't know why but I do feel like you guys are hypocrite enough. I'm sorry to say but I can't stand this anymore. I felt like in front of my face you guys said differently w what you said at my back. Mcm B**I ! Mlas nk pkai I & You, *pissed off ! Sumpah bolh tk aku nk mencarut hbs hbsn kt blog ? HAHA :D Tkp aa, nnt org org yg da lame kenal aku t'kejut pulak -___- Tkd motif aku nk ckp byk byk cs aku tahu bile sape yg bace blog nih, die yg terase sndri. Aku tk tahu lh aku yg perasan ke ape tp tkkn lh ape yg aku bace and tgk sume bkn pasal aku. Cs aku sndri tahu ape yg jd dlm hidup aku slame nih. Especially time cuti raya. Da mcm drama Melayu aku rase. Tk sape tahu ape yg aku korban kn slame nih. Aku bkn nk bangga diri ke ape tp aku kene ckp jugak. I made a huge sacrifices by keeping away what I felt and think w/out no one knwing. Aku snggup pretend dpn sume org, buat muke manis and still keep on smiling. Aku bkn tknk share, aku mmg cm nih. Dr aku lahir agak nye. Tkkn sbb certain org yg aku baru kenal, aku nk berubah totally 180 degree ! Otp and msg ckp lain dgn ape yg aku tgk dgn mate kpale aku sndri. Suke hati lh if sape sape suprised dgn care aku ckp through blog rght nw cs mmg da tk snggup nk tapis tapis. Aku nk buat org benci aku but end up, aku yg benci org org tuh. Ya Allah, sakit hati maximumly ! Aku tkd sape kat sini yg bolh fhm aku. Aku bolh ngadu kat Meera sorang je. Meera je yg fhm situation aku bit not exactly she knws everything. Kdng kdng aku mara dgn diri aku sndri, aki tknk share dgn org. Mmg salah aku, and nw aku tnggung sorang sorang. Aku pendam sorang nw aku nangis pun sorang. Aku malas da nk pk ape org nk ckp and pk buruk pasal aku. Aku admit, mmg salah aku dr mule smpai skrang. Jgn risau, non was yr guys fault. ZERO ! Frm nw on, I made a promise to myself, I will definitely disappearing frm their lives. PROMISE ! And as fyi, Elmo is nw belong into my closet. Just there, no where else in my arm or anywhere.

*Don't bother asking or knowing. Let it end here, just here . .

Mr You-knw-who-you-are,

Buat muke cm nih baru same :D Thanks a lot ! xx

P/S ; Nnt bg lh I resit die, saje je nk tgk. Tau tau ? :D Hee

Eid ,

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri,
Maaf Zahir & Batin (:

Off to hometown now ! Bye byee, xo

Drowning ,

Everything seems to go wrong lately. Every single things that happen in my life indeed. I wish I could snap my fingers, and make things right again. Wish that gonna happen >.< Mhm I'm feeling lost act, w what am I feeling inside, deep deep inside. Sometimes I feel like Im such a bad person cs I cant treat people the way they deserve. Whenever I try too, it turns out Im the one that hurts and as usual, I wont say it to anyone. I'll just smile and pretend that Im fine ! It makes me headache every time I think about it and too bad, I hve to deal w these almost every single day -.-

*Feeling dizzy and having fever :(

Perhaps ,

When boredom strikes, this occur :D Act, I was thinking to chop off my hair today -___- RIMAAAAASSSS ! But at the same time, I do feel sad to chop it off :( Mhm usually, it'll turns out ugly if I'm in a short hair and I'll look super-duper chubby. Trust me !


Messy rght ? I knw >.<

So, I hvnt make my mind yet fr nw. Mhmm, perhaps I shld chop it off OR perhaps I shldn't ?

WTV

HELL-LA-LU-YAH

Im home yaww ! *wink

Crazy Chipmunk ;p

You mess w the wrong person Mr ! You ingat I tk brani nk balas blk ? Pfftt ! ;p

This is Muhammad Hasiib Bin Shaharuddin, one crazy-easygoing-naughty guy >.< Keep on teasing me all the time, almost 24/7. But yet, I can tease you back lh even I bdk kecik :D



P/S ; Wrong title given, supposedly Chip and Dale kn ? :)) HAHAHA

Serve you ! xo

Blessed ,

Finally, I'm bck to Shh Alm since last Friday (: It was a crazy one fr me the past week, quite busy -___- Not enough rest and all. I had my test last week, and let me tell you straight to the point. Fr AIS, hands dwn ! I do surrender nw, haihh. But FAR, mhm not bad act but I'm not sure hw's my result gonna turns out. Thanks a lot to Ameerah Abd Rahman whch stays up till early morning w me to keep me company while studying, xo. Nw Meera, we hve another mission to do well in MAT test this coming Monday kn ? ;) Same same lh doa soalan Sequence tk kuar yg ssh ssh ;p HAHA I'm off to Perak on Wdnsday, one extra day holiday ! Wee :D

So, usually I'll come back home by bus but this time I'm quite grateful cs my new peeps from Part 3 did offer me a ride back home. Thanks Syed Khaled (: Okayy, on my way back home its kinda AWKWARD cs I'm not used being around the people I jst knw. There's Chip, Sarah and Jaa. They did try so hard so that I won't feel aside but I'm sry, on that day I'm superbly tired cs didn't get enough sleep the day before and my head feels dizzy -___- Thanks alot again fr the effort ;) Mhm almost forgot, by the night at The Curve while breaking the fast, you won't believe who did I saw. After all this while, that night was it ! Not gonna brief it more detail. It does'nt matter anymore END

So, fr today list-of-things-to-do

- chopping my hair off perhaps, da pnjang and RIMAS !

- gone shopping w mama papa, yayy yayy ! :D This is the only day that I hve. Mama papa, BEWARE ! HAHAHA

- studying MAT again, again and again -____-

- pack up my things bfre I'm off to Perak again *sob sob

- cooking and playing w all the kitchen stuffs to tease mama ;p ( Bkn slalu kan Ayu blk Maa ? :D )

- going fr dctr's appointment whch had been delayed fr quite sometimes and I bet the dctr will keep on mumbling to me. BLA BLA BLA


Woahh, there's too many things to be done in a day ! So I better get my ass on going nw (: If I do hve some time, I'll update more ayte ? Wish me luck fr my test and I think its not too late fr me to say HAPPY FASTING PEOPLE !

Toodles, xo

P/S ; To Meera,

Here is the pict that you keep on calling me " Datin " all the time ;p

Incomplete

I'm packing my stuffs cs tmrw I'm off to Perak. Pretty excited act but feeling empty cs I didn't get the chance to meet my loved ones bfre I leave :( It's gonna b quite awhile fr me to cme bck hme cs I'll hve a hectic schedule ahead -____- Usually I'll b going bck by noon bt I dnt knw why tmrw my dad wanna deported in the mrning, haihh. Nvm, I guess I'll see them whnever I get bck hme *sob sob

New life ,

Currently studying in UiTM Seri Iskandar, Perak taking Diploma in Accountancy (:

ORIENTATION WEEK ;


Meet Anis and Beeha (: My schlmate in high schl so yeahh, no wonder we're quite close there.



Proudly to show off our temporary matrix card ;p



More SAAS people huh ? I knw ! >.<



Pocho-pocho was our best thing ! HAHA



Supposed to be running but we keep on capturing :D
END OF THE ORIENTATION WEEK *exhausted !



Here's my room mates. Frm left, Farra and Myra (: Farra comes frm Shh Alm same as I do and Myra frm Gombak. There's one more missing, Iqa. She's frm Kedah, waaaay far from us. I'm not sure by the time why she's missing ;p





Meet Ameera, she's one of a kind friend that I found there.





Quarter frm my classmates ;)




This was in CTU class, whch Agama Islam (: People in my class keep on teasing me by saying there's two muffins on my cheek -____-" WHATEVER !




Here's the day where all of us were asked to return back home whch was fun at frst ! But then we're afraid regarding the H1N1 virus -___- And nw, after 10 days we had our break, there's no more mid term break fr us *sob sob. I'm gonna be totally busy these upcoming weeks w quizzes and induction w the seniors in Accountancy Faculty >.< So yeahh, wish me luck and I'll update more soon.

With love, Ayu (:

300709

I'm nw all grown up, a big 18 people ;p HAHA Anyway happy birthday to Beena and UK too ! We share the same special date. May god bless you, xx

Rebirth (:

Hello peeps ! ;) I knw its been awhile since I write here, act its been ages ! :p Sry, been busy lately w U's stuffs. Been great so far, just having my 10 days break regarding to the H1N1 thngy in Uitm Perak -___- All the Uitm in Malaysia indeed hvng their sem break earlier than we could ever tought. This means, we're going hve our Raya off like 2 days :( *sob sob Mhm nvm, nothing that we can do. Just follow the rules & regulations. So yeah, I'll just stop here. Will be continue soon :D Tke cre.

Love, Ayu

Decision that YOU make

Because that decision you make, I hate you. It's all because of what you said. You really give me hope that I finally find someone to guide me. But I guess not. I didn't ask all the fears inside myself, I don't. I tried to get rid of them. Trust me, I've try hard. But I can't do it alone :'( You make me more afraid to let myself free for the frst time. Guys will always be guys huh ? Gosh, why am I so stupid ! Why did I tell him ? I shouldn't have. Thanks for those short remarkable memories, thanks a lot ! Have a wonderful life.

*Crying heavily, don't ask !

Remain strong

Today is the last day im spending time w Iz. Even we're just being close w each other only last year, but many things we've been through. I help you when you need someone, same goes back w you (: Last year, have been the greatest challenge ever kn. Heh. Anyway, he's going to MRSM in Perak and yeahh, he get 8A's in his PMR. I'm v proud of him. He's leaving tmrw cs he's going to his hometown frst in Terengganu. So I guess I'll see you on schl holidays Iz ;) Do take care okay. Ayu tahu Iz bolh survive kat MRSM. Jgn jd cm Ayu dh lh, baru a year dh nk balik :P HAHA Study yr hardest for yr family and yr future (: If you're home and need a ride, just give me a call ;) I'll talk w you soon. I'm gonna miss you budak perasan HOT :D HAHAHAHAHA
Byeee, have fun there.

Lots of love,
Ayu

Memoir

This was 2005. When we're still in high schl. We do still cntct w each other by this time. Most of us. But rght nw, everyone seems to disappear. Myb they're busy w their own life routine. Some of us are working, taking license, having fun w other friends, myb w boyf / girlf ;) You knw what, I've been thinking, we should do this again. I mean reunion for senior badge 2003 of SKRM. And we should make all of us involve. No one should miss it because it's ours. We can try and find back all our friends and get back together. It doesn't matter if there's some of them moved away. We can still find a way rght ? (: Hm but, who's gonna handle this thing ? HAHA :D It ain't easy for sure. Based on the pict, Eddy is the only one that I don't contact rght nw. Where is he ? Does anyone knw ? Helloooooooooooooo ! Hee :D Eh wait, Faiz pun dh rarely cntct. Sometimes through myspace, we do talk. Haih, I miss everything abouut SKRM. Netball team the most ! 6 Tabah the best enn :P No offense. Heh. Pn Fatimah, she's the one that tought us our lesson the most. I mean seriously ! She's like our mom. The last time I saw her, it was last year. When she picks up Hanum's report card for mid year exam. Hm I think I'm gonna do something. For this badge (: Myb not all by myself, Zharif ade :D Hee. We'll see how it goes.

Love, Ayu

Embrace

Shame on you girl ! You shouldn't talking bad things about someone that you don't really knw. You don't change what people said and twist it to other meaning. Yre so nice in front of my face but in schl you talk things about me all around. And yeah, for yr information, this girl is still schling. Gosh, yre only 16 ! Waaaaaaaayyyyyy younger than I am. Mess up w yr own age lh. I don't talk bad things about you to other people. When you need someone, I'll always be there. Eventhough, we're nice to each other only for last year but still, I'm not the type that jealousing w girls that only one a guy that has a crush on me. You like him for hw many years, 2 or 3 ? I don't know. But at the same time, you do like other guys too ! You nk sgt ke all the guys for you ? Don't be selfish. Everyone has their own match. You'll find yrs. Myb not today but someday for sure. If you really love him, go on. You don't have to wry about me getting through. I won't. I don't contact him that often now. The way is all yours. That guy also seems to like you back. Snce you guys get along back v well now. Good for you, that is a postive sign. Just one thing, don't hurt him. Take good care of him. He deserve someone nice, I mean v v nice. Goodluck w that. Don't talk about me anymore please. Thanks

Sinking . .

Honestly, i rarely on my blog cs i thought there's nothing important to share. But today, I really can't keep all my burden alone. I dnt knw where can I find my girlf's -.- sry girls, I knw that you guys will always be there for me but the truth is, I always kept everything in my heart, all alone. I tak tahu ape msalah I smpai ssh sgt nk share ngn korang. Bkn korang tkd, korang ade. Jst everytime I nk stry kat korang, sure I terpk "They have their own problems too Ayu, dnt be selfish !". Atlast, I said nothing and pretend that I'm fine.

Since everyone of you have someone special in yr life, I dh tak bercerita sgt. I tak tahu lh whether you guys notice tak. I bkn desperate nk ade someone, just myb cs sume girlf's I ade someone time I have no one. But tuh sume rezeki msing msing kn (: I'm happy for you guys. Korang happy, I pun happy. I felt like on the top of the world when I dapat kuar w any of my frnds. Atleast, I can leave my unstable emotion behind even fr awhile. I knw I can still be happy w/out a special guy by my side. Even, I used to have one. Bt I do survive ;)

Hm if any of my good frnds need someone, I'm always available here. Just give me a call, insya Allah i angkat. If korang msg, I tk rply, fhm fhm lh ehh :D I dh jrang gl topup. No point pun topup, tkkn berbunyi lh phone. Heh

Haih, nih pun tk smpai quarter pn I let go. Payah sgt sgt nk release feelings nih ! Tkp lh, myb someday I'll share more and I'm sure that day will come.

Take care love, xxxx

Sincerely to you ,

I carry your heart with me
I carry it in my heart
I am never without it
Anywhere i go
You go, my dear
And whatever is done
By only me is your doing

I fear no fate
For you are my fate
I want no world
For beautiful you are my world
And it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
And whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
Here is the root of the root
And the bud of the bud
And the sky of the sky
Of a tree called life
Which grows higher than soul can hope
Or mind can hide
And this is the wonder
That's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart
I carry it in my heart

By ; E E Cummings